Believe in me.
Filed under: Random at 12:47 pm
I had to babysit my cousins for my grandmother this morning. Early as all freaking hell too. 5:30 AM. It wasn’t so bad though, I just got up and went over in my pajamas. (My grandma lives two seconds away, a mile exactly, driveway to driveway.) It was comforting though, I walked in, still really sleepy and drugged up from the nyquil (I’m illin) and walked back to her room and just crawled into bed again. She came and tucked me in and I stared at the painted plates with children on them on the wall. It reminded me of my childhood, incredibly comforting. My other cousins, the older ones, and I used to fight over who would get to sleep in Grandma’s bed with her. None of us wanted to sleep on the floor. lol
I miss those times. My cousins used to live in Joppatown, not too far from us. Now they live all the way in Richmond. I miss hanging out with them. And telling them things. We’re still really close, it’s just difficult to see each other. Especially now that Jen is out of college, Candice soon will be too and I’m getting ready to go back. Brad just graduated high school (which was why I was watching the kids today. So Grandma and Pop could go to his graduation.) I dunno. Growing up isn’t something I’m really enjoying. I miss all those carefree times. I actually miss going to school, seeing my friends. Or those I thought were friends. I barely talk to anyone anymore. And what bothers me more, I actually like it that way. I’ve become some kind of hermit almost. I don’t like going out. I don’t like people just showing up at my house. I screen my phone calls. I really don’t like anyone outside of my close group. I still care about the people who were my friends, and if they called me and needed me, I would be there. I just don’t really want to hang out with them. Is that totally messed up?
I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I’m focusing on getting my ass into gear and getting myself on the right path. For the past few months I’ve felt pretty worthless. Here I am, nineteen, dropped out of college, working at CVS. Don’t get me wrong, I like my job, I hated college (my major actually) but this is NOT where I wanted to be at this age. I should be halfway through college, on the way to getting a career and moving out. Instead I feel stagnet. I finally have some direction though. A goal. And I am going to make myself feel like I am something worthwhile again. Because I’m tired of being like this. I’m tired of being this person I’ve become. So I’m going to change.
On another note, I have an interview at Blockbuster Friday for a second job. -does dance- I really need it. I’m totally not making enough money. I have expensive tastes and I’m trying to get a new car.
Hi! I'm Ashley, a twenty-three year old female from Maryland. I have a boyfriend, Mike, who's pretty fucking awesome. I spend the majority of my free time with him. Other then that all you really need to know is that I love spinning in circles when I think no one is looking and that I'm pretty much just awesome. 
