Begin, Present, Fade Out.
Filed under: Rambles at 1:33 pm
Five years ago I was just starting to come out of a dark place. I began to find myself and gave myself a chance to be who I actually was, not who I wanted to be. Back then, I couldn’t have told you where the time was going to take me. I didn’t have the slightest clue. I wouldn’t have thought that I would grow so far away from almost all my friends. I wouldn’t have thought that one of my best friends would be almost a decade older than myself. But there you have it. A few short years time can whisk you away to something completely different from what you had originally planned.
If you asked me five years ago where I thought I would be my answer wouldn’t be where I am now. It would have been to tell you that I hope I would have been close to graduating college, moving out on my own, and overall being an independent adult. Which, needless to say, I haven’t completely achieved. I have no one but myself to blame for my lack of progression though. When you really get down to it though, I still had some growing up to do before I could get to where I am now.
Life has tossed quite a few curve balls my way and I like to think that I’ve taken them with grace. Since I dropped out of college back in 2004 I’ve figured out quite a few things that I would have never guessed about myself. I saw myself for the petty teenager that I was and I’ve grown up. Took me a few years, but I’m getting there. I’m still stuck in my dead end job, but without that job I wouldn’t have met Amy. Or rather, without the accident I never would have been in CVS that night when I applied for the job. But because I was there I ended up with a job that has brought me some new friends who I think of like family. People tend to forget that things always happen for a reason. I forgot that for a long time which turned me into the bitter, cynical, though sometimes deep girl that you all see.
I’m often criticized for being bitter and cynical. You know what I respond to that though, I’m a fucking realist. I know the world isn’t full of sunshine and rainbows and it never will be. I take it with a grain of salt though, because, remember, things always happen for a reason. Make the best of what you have and stop fucking complaining or do something to change it. Because the world isn’t going to change to satisfy your whims.
I think I lost my main point somewhere along the way in this entry. What I was getting at is that you’ll never know where life is going to take you or what kind of blows it’s going to throw your way. Learn to take life as it comes and accept that shit is going to happen. You can’t always stop the bad things, but why would you want to? Without the bad things we’ll never understand the meaning of the good things. It’s been a long hard journey and I don’t see it stopping anytime soon. For any of us.
Born as Ashley on October 8th, 1986 making her 22. Born and raised in Baltimore but now living in the country. Spends most of her time with her boyfriend Mike doing random, crazy, silly things. Loves music, going to concerts, and spinning in circles when she thinks no one is looking. Is currently in college studying for Nursing, but is thinking about changing her major to graphic design. 
