Kill me now. Pretty please?

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Filed under: Random at 4:56 am

Okay, so I know I haven’t written much at all in like the last year or so. I’ve been completely uninspired and honestly have been spending most of my time over at deviantart. BUT! I feel like I have to share this information with all of you before you waste your time and money and then want to kill yourself.

DO NOT GO SEE WATCHMEN!!!

I seriously cannot stress this enough. It was a fucking awful movie. Since I’m tired and Mike said it perfectly I’m just gonna steal what he wrote about it.

The Watchmen is the worst movie ever. Don’t go see it. Unless for some stupid reason you want to go through the following:

-Waste up to $13
-Waste three hours of your life
-Really want to see a smurf dick sans balls (sadly, when seeing the movie in imax, this guys shit is like 4 feet long)
-Want to be confused for about three hours

Ok, some of my other issues with this movie is it’s a fucking super hero movie, but only one of the *heroes* has powers (blue dick man). But in fight scenes these people punch through cement, with their bare hands. Normal people cannot accomplish this feat, nor can they jump down 20-30 feet without suffering some sort of injury.

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE THIS STOP READING NOW

Sadly, one of the heroes is the bad guy, yet they do not kill him. Hell, it’s one of those movies where this evil is necessary. This jerk off can catch a bullet with his hand, has amazing strength, yet he probably doesn’t even break the 200 pound mark. I know it’s a movie, and movies are not real. BUT…. this shit makes no sense. In closing of this rant, I highly suggest to anyone who wants to see this that you are better off doing something else, and if you don’t take the advice of not seeing it, I suggest you see it fucked up, but it still won’t make it good.

Thank you love, for your wonderful analysis of the movie. Again, don’t waste your time or your money.

7 Comments »

Comment by Erika

March 9, 2009 @ 2:39 am

Before you decided you hate Watchmen, please read the graphic novel. There are less fight scenes (as in, it’s more realistic), things are explained, and the characters have more depth. Comic fans for years have called it a landmark, and I would agree — it’s very different from most comics out there. It’s also not the type of thing everybody likes…

I will not argue the movie is horrible. However, I would like to correct a few points of the post. Because, quite frankly, they prove a) you did not get the point of it, and b) most likely are not a Watchmen-person.

“Ok, some of my other issues with this movie is it’s a fucking super hero movie, but only one of the *heroes* has powers (blue dick man). But in fight scenes these people punch through cement, with their bare hands. Normal people cannot accomplish this feat, nor can they jump down 20-30 feet without suffering some sort of injury.”

Well, first of all — it’s not a superhero movie (or book). The whole point of the thing is it’s an ANTI-superhero story. The characters (minus one) are all flawed, unlikable human beings. They have darker sides, do pretty messed up stuff, and hurt those around them. Their morals are disappointing, personalities inhumane at times, and minds incredibly ‘dirty’. Watchmen was not meant to be a superhero story, and that has been long recognized.

As I said at the start of this post, in the book the fight scenes are watered down and realistic — the novel relies more on plot than action. The movie was disappointing because it does just the opposite, relying on fighting rather than Alan Moore’s story-telling.

“Sadly, one of the heroes is the bad guy, yet they do not kill him. Hell, it’s one of those movies where this evil is necessary. This jerk off can catch a bullet with his hand, has amazing strength, yet he probably doesn’t even break the 200 pound mark.”

Every hero is the book is the bad guy — IT’S THE POINT! There is no one hero, but there are several evils. It’s the point of it, and as I said, it’s been long recognized. People looking for a superhero story, as you discovered, should look elsewhere. Watchmen is unconventional, original, and — at the time of its creation — barrier breaking. Many will hate it because of the fact it is anti-superhero, but it is the very thing that made fans love it.

Once again, the movie did a horrid job at preserving the plot, and instead added unrealistic fighting.

Basically? Read the graphic novel before dismissing, but if you want a superhero comic with morally correct characters, go elsewhere.

Comment by Stepherz

March 9, 2009 @ 7:01 pm

I don’t think I really wanted to see Watchmen, but it seems like everyone seemed around me seemed to love it.

Comment by Mike

March 13, 2009 @ 5:27 pm

Ericka, the movie was awful. I was not bashing the novel. Many of friends think it’s amazing. I haven’t read it. After seeing the movie, I won’t. I may be depriving myself a great read, oh well. Maybe in the novel it wasn’t so predictable, and awful.

Comment by Marcia

March 14, 2009 @ 6:44 pm

The thing about the movie is that they advertised it as an action flick but it’s not at all! That’s why people who like the comic liked the movie because it was a murder crime story more than action..

Comment by Nicki

March 22, 2009 @ 11:10 pm

Yeah, the movie was alright. But I definitely need to read the novel; I’ve heard nothing but good things about it.

It seems like we have a lot of similar interests. Plus you like Xena and are a Star Wars nerd too.. Props for that!

I’d like to exchange links.

-Nicki

Comment by Liza

March 26, 2009 @ 5:27 pm

That’s what happens if you haven’t read the graphic novel and just go see it. It’s a stand-alone movie because it’s practically a re-telling of the novel, but to really understand each hero’s purpose you’d need that background from the book that you won’t get from the film.

The characters are suppose to be as human as the rest of us and that’s what fools a lot of people; that they wanted yet another typical hero movie and saw something that didn’t meet their criteria.

Comment by Mike

March 27, 2009 @ 3:39 am

Naw, it wasn’t the point that it wasn’t a typical superhero movie. (Given, they wore masks, spandex, secret identities, etc……super hero movie) It was just a terrible film. The marketing behind it was awful. I agree with Marica it was marketed as an action film. It’s silly to have the movie be so vague that you need additional reading to comprehend it. Most of your target audience (rated r) are not going to go out and buy a novel, just to go see a movie. Bad business.

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