I keep getting increasingly frustrated with life. I have absolutely no direction. I don’t know what I want to do, where I want to go, anything. It’s… aggravating. My twenty-third birthday is rapidly approaching and what do I have to show? Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing.

I often wonder if I’m ever going to get anywhere in life. Or am I doomed to be some loser who lives in her mom’s basement when she’s forty? Ugh. Sometimes I absolutely disgust myself. There were so many things I could have done. Opportunities I passed up. Kept hoping I would find the one thing I loved and wanted to do for the rest of my life.

And yet, here I am five, almost six years down the line, in the exact place I was before. Same shitty job. I can’t even afford to get an apartment. I look for new jobs, hoping that someone will call back and I’ll get a decent paying job until I eventually figure out what it is I want out of life. And nothing.

It hurts, seeing all the girls I graduated with getting married and having kids. I want that, I want that so fucking bad. Right now. But how can I start a family of my own if I can’t even take care of myself? I know I’m only twenty-two now and that’s still young, but dammit, I had a time line I wanted to adhere to! I wanted to be married by twenty-five, kids on the way by twenty-seven. At this rate I’ll be lucky to have kids by thirty-five.

Is it always so hard to find yourself?
I need to find me.