I keep getting increasingly frustrated with life. I have absolutely no direction. I don’t know what I want to do, where I want to go, anything. It’s… aggravating. My twenty-third birthday is rapidly approaching and what do I have to show? Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing.

I often wonder if I’m ever going to get anywhere in life. Or am I doomed to be some loser who lives in her mom’s basement when she’s forty? Ugh. Sometimes I absolutely disgust myself. There were so many things I could have done. Opportunities I passed up. Kept hoping I would find the one thing I loved and wanted to do for the rest of my life.

And yet, here I am five, almost six years down the line, in the exact place I was before. Same shitty job. I can’t even afford to get an apartment. I look for new jobs, hoping that someone will call back and I’ll get a decent paying job until I eventually figure out what it is I want out of life. And nothing.

It hurts, seeing all the girls I graduated with getting married and having kids. I want that, I want that so fucking bad. Right now. But how can I start a family of my own if I can’t even take care of myself? I know I’m only twenty-two now and that’s still young, but dammit, I had a time line I wanted to adhere to! I wanted to be married by twenty-five, kids on the way by twenty-seven. At this rate I’ll be lucky to have kids by thirty-five.

Is it always so hard to find yourself?
I need to find me.

They really do. I’m an easy girl to please.

Monday was mine and Mike’s six year anniversary. We didn’t do anything fancy or whatnot. We simply went out to dinner and had a good time with each other. lol The hardest part was deciding where to eat. I prefer him to make the choice and he gets aggravated because I’m so passive about where we go. We finally decided to try somewhere new and went to P.F. Chang’s on my brother’s recommendation. Definitely wasn’t a mistake. The food was excellent. I can’t wait to go back and try something else. Service kicked ass too. It was a nice evening. :)

So last night I decided to see if I couldn’t somehow find a way to play one of my very absolute favorite games ever on my computer. It’s Lands of Lore, an old PC game from 1992. I actually still have the original floppy discs, but they’re a bit old for this computer. I don’t even have a floppy drive. lol But! I went hunting last night and found a download for DOS and got the bitch to run on my computer. I’ve been up since… oh, 12:30 last night playing it. lol I’m really excited about the fact that I can actually play it again, it’s been years since I have. If you haven’t played it and enjoy RPG’s you should go download it. Because even though it’s an old one, it’s a classic. So good. ♥

Anyway, that’s all for now. I’m gonna try to update more now. I actually feel like I want to write about stuff on here again.

… but I couldn’t let this domain die. Even if I don’t post often, I’m still pretty attached to it.

Not much is going on here. Same old shit. Work, love life, work, friends, more work. Lots of working in there, yeah? Speaking of friends, Dee is getting married on June 27th. She asked me to be her maid of honor. :) The dresses are really pretty. Hot pink, chiffon fabric, comes about midway up the shins and is full length in the back. Comfortable and gorgeous. And less then my one prom dress! haha.

Mine and Mike’s six year anniversary is in two days. Man, six years, those seriously flew by. I love that boy so much. ♥

Anyway, those are all the updates you’re gonna get for now kids.