You can suck my nuts. For real. Die. I hate you. We all hate you. I wish you would have died a very violent and suffering death on your way to the Bel Air store. Pity it didn’t happen.

And do not ever come back unless you want me to stab you in the face. Because I will, really.

He came in. Was pissed because pharmacy was closed. I think, cry about it, I don’t care you’re an idiot. It’s my my fault you can’t read. No, I will not give you Tom’s number. No, I won’t call Tom to come open the pharmacy for you. No, I’m not refusing to help you. There really just isn’t anything I can do. GET OVER IT.

Do Not:

1. Call Bel Air and tell Kristy that I am REFUSING and UNWILLING to help you. There isn’t anything I CAN do.
2. Scream at me for like twenty minutes. I will rip the pathetic excuse you have for nuts and shove them down your throat to shut you up.
3. Tell me that I HAVE to open the pharmacy. In the first place, I don’t have to do a god damn thing for you.
4. Call me a smartass when I tell you to have a good night. Sorry, nothing I can do. You try to have a good night anyway. DICK.

I hope you come in tomorrow so they can call the cops on you, you fucking asshat. My manager has my back and so do Brad and Kristy. So fuck off and die.

Yours Truly,
The Disgruntled CVS Girl

Song titles work great for blog titles. They don’t require you to put any effort into it. That = Awesome.

This entry will consist of lots of ramblings. So apologies in advance if I leave you behind somewhere.

I’m a much more complex being than I let on. My emotions run deep and true. Sometimes, I wonder why I hide it. A lot of the time I wonder why I hide it. Then my thoughts usually drift back to a conversation I had with my counseler. This was many, many years ago, mind you. It was right after my father died. We talked about the walls I had built up around myself. How I was afriad to let them down. I never understood why. Not then. But today, it sort of kicked me in the face. It scares me. I’m afriad to let all that emotion out because I don’t know how it will be received. So I keep it all tucked down, content to deal with it on my own. It frightens me though, how deep it actually runs. How much passion and zest for life I actually carry within me. And dammit, it scares me. If I feel this much, love this much, have this much relish for life, and acknowledge it, then dammit, it’s gonna hurt that much more when something gets shattered in it.

I don’t like that. It’s frightening and I don’t want to care that much. I don’t want to feel and I don’t want to deal with life. I know this, I accept this. A part of me has been fighting for that for a long time now. And slowly, slowly but surely it’s losing. I’m starting to care and feel more. And I don’t like it. I liked being able to sit in the dark and listen to melancholy music and smoke cigarettes and just drift off into nothing. Into the void where nothing matters. A great peace would come over me when I would do that. It’s becoming harder and harder to get there though. I guess it’s part of growing up. Feeling more, becoming more human. Caring. Dammit, I hate caring. It leaves too much room for hurt. I don’t like to get hurt. Because when it cuts, it cuts deep and leaves vicious scars.

And no, nothing bad has happened. I’m fine and content right now. I just got stuck somewhere between real life and that peaceful void today and was reflecting on the scars left on my soul. Cheesy, I know. Deal with it.

So, as many of you know, I’ve had serious car problems for the last, oh, two or so years. I’ve really been trying to keep ahold of the car I have now, because well, I don’t make enough money to buy a new one (or even a decent used). Well, my car is, pretty much, dead. They can’t figure out what’s wrong with it. The past two months I’ve had my car maybe two weeks. It’s been in the shop the rest of the time. I get it back, it works fine for a few days, it breaks again. Same thing. They’ve tried everything they can think of and they just can’t figure out whats wrong with it. Luckily, Ed hasn’t charged me for any labor, only parts. But at this point, I’m really stuck in a bind, because this means I don’t have any choice, I HAVE to buy a new car. Which means I have to get another job, or find a better paying one. Which honestly, I really don’t want to do. I like my job, I love the people I work with. So yeah, my stupid car has pushed me into a position I really, really don’t want to be in.

Because, leaving my current job would mean I have to get a full time 9-5 job with benefits, which means I can’t go back to school as long as I have a car payment. Which means I’ll be living at home until I’m like 27. -sigh- Life sucks. My Mom and Stan were looking at cars last night for me though. Of course, they were looking at every kind of car I don’t want to drive. And I’m stubborn and refuse to invest $10,000 in something that I don’t like. Which means, everything but a sports car. Yes, I don’t want another sedan, and yes, I refuse to buy an american made car. I really want an eclipse, but I’ve been hard pressed to find one for under $15,000. But! I did some searching last night and I found two. Both with 50,000 miles (give or take a few) on them, and under $10,000. Not to mention both are manual and have a sunroof. (Two of my requirements for a new car.)

First Choice:
Price: $9,980
Body Style: Hatchback
Mileage: 50,558
Exterior Color: Sterling Silver Metallic
Interior Color: Midnight
Engine: 4 Cylinder Gasoline
Transmission: 5 Speed Manual
Power Door Locks; Power Windows; Alloy Wheels; Tachometer; Air Conditioning; Tilt Steering Wheel; Day-Night Lever; Cloth Upholstery; CD Player; AM-FM Stereo Radio; Power Outside Mirrors; Dual Air Bags

Second Choice:
Price: $9,450
Body Style: Hatchback
Mileage: 50,346
Exterior Color: Torreador Red
Engine: 4 Cylinder Gasoline
Transmission: 5 Speed Manual
Air Conditioning, Power Steering, Power Windows, Power Door Locks, Tilt Wheel, Cruise Control, AM/FM Stereo, Compact Disc, Dual Airbags, Alloy Wheels, Sliding Sunroof

Anyway, now I gotta go get a loan, find another job, and get my ass straightened out. I gotta talk to Amy today when I go in, I don’t want her to read this first.