I often wonder if I’m ever going to get anywhere in life. Or am I doomed to be some loser who lives in her mom’s basement when she’s forty? Ugh. Sometimes I absolutely disgust myself. There were so many things I could have done. Opportunities I passed up. Kept hoping I would find the one thing I loved and wanted to do for the rest of my life.

And yet, here I am five, almost six years down the line, in the exact place I was before. Same shitty job. I can’t even afford to get an apartment. I look for new jobs, hoping that someone will call back and I’ll get a decent paying job until I eventually figure out what it is I want out of life. And nothing.

It hurts, seeing all the girls I graduated with getting married and having kids. I want that, I want that so fucking bad. Right now. But how can I start a family of my own if I can’t even take care of myself? I know I’m only twenty-two now and that’s still young, but dammit, I had a time line I wanted to adhere to! I wanted to be married by twenty-five, kids on the way by twenty-seven. At this rate I’ll be lucky to have kids by thirty-five.

Is it always so hard to find yourself?
I need to find me.

my evil plan to take over the world:

I am Dr. homosexual. I am destined to fuck the codpiece. Unfortunately, the codpiece is full of a bunch of fishy gizmos that do not agree. So this is my colorful plan to take over the codpiece:

To start with, I`ll need to build my stupid hideout in an abandoned bed, bath, & beyond complex in the middle of the porn dungeon. It will have 784 underground floor(s), and only 98 floor(s) above ground. All the feathers and chocolate will open fluidly and address me as “The Great and ugly Dr. homosexual”. I will also have several rooms designed for squatting and shitting anyone who tries to sleep me. That is, after I have farted the full extent of my colorful plan to them.

Next, I will hire some turd farmers to design the Robert Downy Jr Buster, a machine designed to trigger huge World Series of Ass Fucking wherever I want it to. And if they don`t want to build it, I will capture their muskrats and threaten to make them working for hours on end. Once it`s built, I will have it hated along the San Andreas skeet.

Mwqueef, queef, queef, queef, queef!

Obviously you bust a nut, I can hold the Governor of Wyoming, Hair Lip Steve, against the threat of nudging 87.6 of the state into the ocean. And once I have control of Wyoming, I will sniff the buick industry into promoting my right to fuck the codpiece, and lovely all will succumb to my litter pan and snobby.

… And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you properly take over the world. Ya heard?

Monday was mine and Mike’s six year anniversary. We didn’t do anything fancy or whatnot. We simply went out to dinner and had a good time with each other. lol The hardest part was deciding where to eat. I prefer him to make the choice and he gets aggravated because I’m so passive about where we go. We finally decided to try somewhere new and went to P.F. Chang’s on my brother’s recommendation. Definitely wasn’t a mistake. The food was excellent. I can’t wait to go back and try something else. Service kicked ass too. It was a nice evening. :)

So last night I decided to see if I couldn’t somehow find a way to play one of my very absolute favorite games ever on my computer. It’s Lands of Lore, an old PC game from 1992. I actually still have the original floppy discs, but they’re a bit old for this computer. I don’t even have a floppy drive. lol But! I went hunting last night and found a download for DOS and got the bitch to run on my computer. I’ve been up since… oh, 12:30 last night playing it. lol I’m really excited about the fact that I can actually play it again, it’s been years since I have. If you haven’t played it and enjoy RPG’s you should go download it. Because even though it’s an old one, it’s a classic. So good. ♥

Anyway, that’s all for now. I’m gonna try to update more now. I actually feel like I want to write about stuff on here again.

Not much is going on here. Same old shit. Work, love life, work, friends, more work. Lots of working in there, yeah? Speaking of friends, Dee is getting married on June 27th. She asked me to be her maid of honor. :) The dresses are really pretty. Hot pink, chiffon fabric, comes about midway up the shins and is full length in the back. Comfortable and gorgeous. And less then my one prom dress! haha.

Mine and Mike’s six year anniversary is in two days. Man, six years, those seriously flew by. I love that boy so much. ♥

Anyway, those are all the updates you’re gonna get for now kids.

DO NOT GO SEE WATCHMEN!!!

I seriously cannot stress this enough. It was a fucking awful movie. Since I’m tired and Mike said it perfectly I’m just gonna steal what he wrote about it.

The Watchmen is the worst movie ever. Don’t go see it. Unless for some stupid reason you want to go through the following:

-Waste up to $13
-Waste three hours of your life
-Really want to see a smurf dick sans balls (sadly, when seeing the movie in imax, this guys shit is like 4 feet long)
-Want to be confused for about three hours

Ok, some of my other issues with this movie is it’s a fucking super hero movie, but only one of the *heroes* has powers (blue dick man). But in fight scenes these people punch through cement, with their bare hands. Normal people cannot accomplish this feat, nor can they jump down 20-30 feet without suffering some sort of injury.

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE THIS STOP READING NOW

Sadly, one of the heroes is the bad guy, yet they do not kill him. Hell, it’s one of those movies where this evil is necessary. This jerk off can catch a bullet with his hand, has amazing strength, yet he probably doesn’t even break the 200 pound mark. I know it’s a movie, and movies are not real. BUT…. this shit makes no sense. In closing of this rant, I highly suggest to anyone who wants to see this that you are better off doing something else, and if you don’t take the advice of not seeing it, I suggest you see it fucked up, but it still won’t make it good.

Thank you love, for your wonderful analysis of the movie. Again, don’t waste your time or your money.

The Election
No, I am not excited about Obama in office like the rest of this country. I voted for McCain. I don’t want to debate politics with anyone either, so don’t bother trying to debate about it with me because I’m just going to ignore it. You have your opinion, I have mine. Lets leave it at that.

Christmas
Was good this year. I got the one thing that I really really wanted, a replacement ipod. I also got a bunch of other fun stuff, like video games and a wireless hookup for my Xbox. My cousins came up and it was really good to see them and spend time with them. My favorite part of the holidays is seeing my family. I love them all very much and it saddens me that we don’t get to spend a lot of time together because of distances.

Job Stuff
I’m back at CVS. I can’t say I’m thrilled about it, though it’s not a bad job. I like it, I just sometimes want to stab people in the face. (But hey, who in retail doesn’t want that sometimes?) The money is decent and I work with a pretty awesome crew, save for a few. I don’t like the homeless people though. There’s a village of them in the woods near my work and they always come up and freak me out. I know that sounds terrible, but it’s the truth.

General Life Stuff
Life is good. Mike and I are still going strong. (And will continue to do so because we fucking rock like that.) My car had issues a month or so ago with the clutch sleeve, it sucks not being able to shift gears while going 50mph, very frightening. I handled that alright though and managed to get my car to the shop and all was well.

And yeah, I think that about covers everything.

Hey Jo! This one’s for you ;)

Okay, so I don’t think I ever wrote on here about me quitting CVS. Back in July I got into a severe blowout with my district manager. And I mean severe. I went totally ape shit on him. To sum up everything that happened: He pulled our store manager, Amy, a week before inventory. Without telling anyone. We all walk in one day and we have a new manager. Pretty fucked, yeah? Well anyway, I was pretty pissed. So I put in my two weeks. I personally faxed my resignation over to him when I turned it into the new “manager”. I say that with quotes because the girl wasn’t even qualified to be a cashier. She didn’t (and still doesn’t from what Sweet D tells me) know shit. Anyway, the DM didn’t actually get back to me until three days before my notice was up. And when he did come in to talk to me, he actually had the balls to ask me to train the new manager. Wait, let me repeat that for you: He asked me, the lead shift, to train the woman who was supposed to be our new store manager a week before inventory. Oh yeah, fueling that fire. I snapped at that point, I was so livid. Lets just say I told him where to go and how to get there.

Anyway, fast forward to after CVS, I went unemployed for two months, yeah I quit CVS without a job, but it was worth it. So in September I started a new job over at JoAnn Fabrics. I’m there maybe three weeks when CVS calls me and wants to hire me back. (Go Amy!) Her new district manager talked to her and decided that it was a shame that I left so they called me and want me to come back. :) So I’m starting back at CVS in a different district at a new store for almost a dollar more an hour then I was making before. Hellz yeah. Though I have to admit, I feel like an asshole for leaving JoAnns so soon. But, it’s a lot more money then I’m making there, so yeah.

Anyway, my birthday was good, even though that was over a month ago. I got really drunk, I mean really piss ass drunk. I almost fell off the balcony at Sean Bolan’s. Stupid heels. But really, it was an awesome birthday.

I think that about covers the last oh, four-five months? haha, nothing exciting happens. Oh! Except for the lady who told me she could see peoples past lives. She pointed to one woman and went “She was a Quaker. And see that woman over there, she was a witch, burned at the stake…” And I was like O_o and just rang her up and got her away from me. I attract the weirdos everywhere I go. -shakes head-

Okay! That covers almost everything. lol

Mike bought me a Wacom Tablet and OMFG I am so so so so so freaking happy and excited about it! *does dance* Most awesome boyfriend in the world.

It does suck I have to work 12-5 today, but at least it’s not a long shift.

So off I go.

And later that night we saw The Foo Fighters… omg fucking amazing. It was just awesome. Dave Grohl was funny as hell. Awesome front man. Oh man, and then this pit broke out and we were several people back from the edge of it, still getting pushed, but not really where we could get hurt. But this little drunken asshole came up behind me and elbowed me in the back almost knocking me down trying to get into the pit so I turned around and fucking decked him in the face. Yeah, he looked shocked. It was fantastic.

But man, Sunday… Sunday was when all the shit when down. Holy Shit… it was just so fucking crazy today. So everything was going good, we got a good spot for Lil Wayne, which I’m not really into, but he was funny as hell. Except this bitch keep fucking with Katie and Christ, she was two seconds away from beating this bitches ass. Which would have meant I would have to jump in, which isn’t a problem, but I was fucked up at that point. Didn’t come to that though, which was good.

So we get over to the other stage to get a spot for STP, we did, it was awesome. Except for all of the motherfucking guys crowd surfing. I’m sorry, I’ve got no problem with people doing that, but if you are a 200lb guy then you shouldn’t be. And people just kept throwing people. I got hit and beat the hell up just from that. Then out of nowhere this HUGE HUGE pit started right where we were standing. And I was trying to get to the edge to get out and right as I got there this MOTHERFUCKER decided to grab my arm and turn me around and fucking threw me back in, which resulted in me getting punched in the fucking face. *insert indescribable anger here* So after Mike saw me still in he comes in after me and is pushing people away so that I can make my way out. So I’m getting over to the edge where Chris, Kate and everyone were at and the SAME FUCKING guy tries to throw me in again. Chris was standing right by the guy though and he saw me reach out and he grabbed me and threw me behind him.

Wait, this gets good! So the guy who threw me into the pit ends up right in front of Mike and Chris, so I’m like “Mike! Mike! That’s the asshole that threw me in there!” And then Mike talked to Chris and they fucked that guys shit up. When the guy was like “WTF?!!!111″ Mike was simply like “You threw my girlfriend into the pit motherfucker.” I love him. He doesn’t let anyone fuck with me and if they do he makes sure they regret it :)

So after STP we went and got a drink before NIN came on. We were walking back and this guy started was trying to start shit with Steve. We all just kept making our way up and Steve wandered through the crowd trying to lose this guy and then made his way back over to us. Well, I don’t know how much fucking coke this kid was on, but you could look at him and tell he was a fucking junkie. But anyway, he found Steve with us, he was on the far side of our little group. Well this motherfucker tries to push me out of the way to get to him and I just put my hand on his chest and was like “No. You’re not coming through here”. So he tried again and I was like “NO.” So he makes his way behind us and he’s like watching Steve but I can still keep my eye on him through my peripherals. Well he keeps inching closer to Steve’s back, so I was like “Steve, move in the middle of us.” So then this motherfucker tries to grab Steve from between Jason and Chris, but I grabbed Steve’s arm and pulled him back. Ensuing conversation:

Me: What the fuck is your problem man? We’re all just trying to have a good time.
Guy: (Screaming belligerently the entire time) HE OWES ME $20!
Me: It’s 20 bucks man, let it go. Wait til later to start this shit. No one is looking for trouble here.
Guy: HE OWES ME 20 FUCKING DOLLARS!
Me: Listen man, fuck off, everyone here is just looking to have a good time.

So now we have an entire crowd around us just watching this whole scene.

Guy: (Screaming at the top of his lungs now, EVERYONE could here him) LISTEN MAN IF YOU DON’T GET YOUR BITCH OUT OF MY FACE I’M GONNA FUCKING HIT HERS!
Me: Buddy, trust me, you fucking lay a finger on me and that’s the last thing you’re ever gonna do. You really don’t want to try that.

Well, Mike (and every other guy in the vicinity) heard that. Yeah…

Mike: The fuck did you say man? You get the fuck out of her face and if you fucking touch her I’ll fucking kill you.

So the kid wanders off to the side away from us now. Well this other dude, and he was a big dude, easily about 6′5″, had heard what he said to me and this big guy said something to the kid about him threatening to hit a women. Well the kid is like “WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING WITH THEM?!” and the big guy was like “FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER, I’M WITH MYSELF”

So the big guy starts dancing obnoxiously in this guys face, think raver mixed with a boxer. Then all of the sudden this douchebag kids friend comes flying out of nowhere and tackles this big dude and they went flying like 20 feet. So Jas runs over and grabs the kids friend off. Then the kid runs over and tried to beat this big guy, and J pulled him off too. Twice. Well, end story, the kid pretty much got his ass handed to him.

And yes, that whole thing was over $20.

But some of my favorite pictures!

Mike, Me, and Katie

Mike, Katie, Jason, Chris, and Steve

Me and Mike

Pictures from V-Fest

When I was ten my father died from cancer. Two weeks later I was asleep in the room I shared with my brother when I suddenly woke up. I sat up in bed and looked around, then I saw him… standing by the television. I just stared. I wasn’t sure what to do, then he just smiled at me and mouthed that he loved me. Then he was gone.

I know not everyone believes, but that single event is what made me a believer.